Chris had made some very telling comments since we had left Dirk behind, including that he was debating staying in Omaha for a day or two, or hoofing out into the Nebraska countryside for a few days. These were the same suggestions I had made in Iowa, so it was apparent that I was part of the problem for him. Chris needed to get away from me… and knew it. He was polite enough not to say it so many words, as is his way, but I completely understood the words between the words! The funny thing is that I had the same thoughts before purchasing the ticket. There was a sense of missing an opportunity in Nebraska, but deep inside I knew I just had no resources left. While the notion was toyed with, my subconscious took over and drug me DIRECTLY to the metaphorical (and real) ticket counter!
A security officer directed us a few blocks toward Omaha’s
“Old Town”, which reminded me a bit of Denver’s LoDo. Omaha surprised me in the sense that this area was quite nice, and there were quite a few people walking around the re-developed area that consisted of mostly renovated warehouses. After some searching, we did find an acceptable place to drink shitty, sour- tasting, hippie coffee, and chat. 
We put out feet up on the table, settled into the comfortable seats and relaxed. The realization that this phase “trip” was ending had begun to become apparent and the correlating elephant in the room. We chatted about a few of these things, but it was not one of our typical brainstorming sessions. We reflected on the fact that, in addition to the many positive things we had ourselves experienced, we probably had a greater positive effects on others than we could see; affecting others silently through Brian’s “mirroring.” Yes, this coffee shop had a feel of reflecting back on something that had just ended rather than that of “taking a break.” It was perfect. As we left, we made our way to a corner convenience store where Chris would make his way toward the Amtrak station, and I would return to await my Trailways.This was it.
By now, Chris had all but abandoned the idea of venturing off into Nebraska, so we made “plans” to meet at the Denver bus station, since the California Zephyr was due to arrive at almost the exact time as my bus. We shook hands,
took a goofy picture, and walked off in separate directions. This was the moment Phase I, which began for me on April 13th, ended in my mind. I was now stepping into something different, and had NO idea what that was; there were no guarantees that Chris & I would be traveling together again.The events of Friday were still weighing heavy on my mind. I had time to reflect while riding across Iowa, and it began to sink in that I not only wanted a break, it was imperative. As was a corresponding ego check of my own. It had become obvious that the mental wear of Michigan had simply been too great for me to recover by simply sitting at a truck stop, or even in the woods or on the side of the road. I chastised myself for being so judgmental of Chris the day before but at the same time, I could see where it had come from. I was mentally flooded and exhausted; had lost the ability to see things clearly and, more importantly, from another point of view. The self- absorption had become so all- consuming because I needed to direct most of my mental energy inward, STILL trying to come to terms with June. I had a lot of new information, and now needed to categorize and compartmentalize it, then look outward. Any distraction from this imperial priority was going to be a source of frustration, regardless of WHOM it involved. I needed the perspective that can only come from familiar surroundings viewed through these different “lenses” to see exactly how familiar sights had changed.
As I sit here and write these over 2- weeks later in Santa Fe, this is not exactly my proudest moment and I confess I considered glossing over Friday and its causes all together to keep it “clean.” However, the name of this blog itself means
“Know Thyself” and attempting honesty and authenticity with yourself is hard. Honesty and authenticity are not always easy. They are not always flattering. They MOST definitely can be quite ugly and, if you are willing to share them, sometimes reflect poorly on you if you are true to how they happen. We are human! However, these unflattering and sometimes painful experiences are ultimately the pains of growth. Knowing that, I chose to hopefully set a small example of action as opposed to empty self- righteous blather and let you digest how you see fit.Vitam… Impendere… Vero.
