"The trouble with self-delusion, either in a person or a society, is that reality doesn't care what anybody believes, or what story they put out. Reality doesn't "spin." Reality does not have a self-image problem. Reality does not yield its workings to self-esteem management." -J.H. Kunstler

"Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; ... rain without thunder and lightning; ... the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will." -Frederick Douglass

"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows", "He not busy being born is busy dyin'", "Don't follow leaders-- watch the parking meters." -Dylan

"Hope Floats, but so does bullshit. The trick is to know the difference." -unknown

DISCLAIMER

This is a sometimes raw, always brutally honest, and personal perspective account of my travels & the people I've met; NOT another cliche' travel journal. While pondering the word "perspective," please also remember: I am neither a travel writer nor engaging in public relations. Those seeking tourist reviews, happy talk, or support for any dime-store religion or ideology should leave... right now. This will be a HUGE disappointment, and offending you is quite literally the least of my concern. Comments are encouraged, but are necessarily moderated for the time being. As the movie said: "While agreement is not required, thinking for one's self is." Please check the agenda at the door... and enjoy!

Friday, March 6, 2009

The Ministry of Standards & Practices

Santa Fe


This would fall into the “back-story” file, if there were such a thing. I wrote this back in 2007 after exploring the idea over a long period in my personal journal. As Chris and I begin to seriously gear up it seems to merit publication now, with some additions and many edits, because it seems to be a recurring theme when I try to explain my ideas behind this “radical lifestyle” and where they have come from.



These are just some of my thoughts on the foundation of the battle that we inevitably rage with fear, expectation, and the fundamental concept of living “our own” lives, and the source of such an insane conflict. The Hydra I have termed The Ministry of Standards and Practices. The Ministry does include the institutions we’ve come to “know & love” of course, but it also includes our families, friends… anyone with whom approval and praise comes a sense of identity. One of the first questions people always ask when they meet you is “What do you do?” as if that’s who you are! People often feel either pride or shame when they answer that question; the Ministry at work. That belief that your identity depends on your job, car, house, bank account or a person's approval other than your own is delusional since no one can “make you" feel anything. Last time I checked, all of these things emanated from within. The Ministry can only function when we believe in that externalization of identity, happiness, and success.



The majority of this was written a couple of years ago, and some ideas have expanded, but this is a good start, if you can stomach the poor writing!


July 16, 2007



A funny thing keeps happening. I keep seeing what I thought were my ideas pop up in other places; conclusions I've come to, alone, through my personal writing and meditations, that I find later have already been written. Thoreau and his views on government & self- reliance. Rousseau on higher 'education' (indoctrination). Chomsky and the media.

I'm tooting my own horn a bit, but it would appear that I'm on the right track toward something if minds infinitely greater than mine have already drawn the same conclusions. I can’t stress enough how important I believe it is to come to
OUR OWN regardless of what someone else thinks, writes, or preaches. If all we are doing is taking in and nodding, what does that make us? A follower of someone else's dogma; a solitary sheep in one of a thousand related herds.

I've been paying attention for the last couple of years at how and why people are kept inside the norms of thought and behavior, and who reaps the benefits. How we're kept with the flock. Where do these 'norms' and accepted codes of behavior and thought come from?
It would seem that there is an insidious little sub- system to keep us in line and protect itself from those who would question its legitimacy. The Ministry of Standards and Practices.

I had a conversation with Brian Hardgroove of Public Enemy the other day, and we touched on, what I believe, is the most despicable of these 'checks and balances': “education” In particular, the way schools teach us to only obey authority; never question it … deserved it or not. To accept whatever ‘authority’ disseminates as empirical truth, rather it is or not. It shows us, from the most impressionable age, how the system works and places us where “it” has decided we belong: as subordinates striving to be well- adjusted cogs in the machine. We needed to '
do well' so we could get 'good jobs' which is, of course, how they defined “success” for us. To school by 8am, a mid- day break, home when they tell us. Sound familiar?


Think about that for a second. Is that “education” or “
engineering”? If your goal is to engineer obedient workers who are not intellectually equipped to challenge your authority… well, that would explain lower testing requirements wouldn’t it? Would explain a lot actually!

The purpose of this REQUIRED education program is to make us more useful to the entrenched economic system, and to keep the agreed upon dialogue in place.
Questions will NOT be tolerated! We are programmed to believe that our entire motivation in life should be striving to become the bigger, better, more useful (and better-rewarded) cog. Obedient, unquestioning workers whose reward depends on how well you play their game. Then, our kids are sent home to play video games, or watch TV, which further cements these images of contrived success… never even hinting that there may be more, or that their idea of happiness may have nothing to do with being that cog. It’s Jack Nicholson in “One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest”: lobotomized for convenience.


This… is simple mental slavery.



The vast majority of people, while sensing a deep- seeded twinge of recognition, have now short- circuited. Like a computer whose current programming can’t run new software, that sort of thinking runs counter to the indoctrination. It WILL cause internal conflict and ultimately require a redefinition of these fundamentals that we have long- ago accepted as “truth”.


That’s not easy. It’s daunting, uncomfortable… frightening. It requires stepping out of comfort zones, trusting ourselves, and embracing the uncertain. The alternative? The lobotomy of Escapism. Allowing television and the rest of the media reinforce these false, transient images of success and happiness, telling you that careerism and consumerism will make everything all better… “Don’t worry about that deep- thinking stuff; this is EASIER and more comfortable! All you need is MORE! Just commit your life to us, and we PROMISE will make you happy… eventually! Sounds a lot like religion, and that’s no coincidence.


As religion requires blind faith, mental slavery requires blind acceptance. A total belief that there is NOTHING beyond the metaphorical city walls; beyond The Matrix. Simple questioning and challenging the Party Line will create doubt, encourage critical thought, and in the end corrupt the system. The indoctrination process begun in school and enforced in the media and at the dinner table is in place to prevent that. If you question the Ministry's legitimacy, you are a 'radical', or a 'subversive'. These critical thoughts are to be squashed at conception. This creates self- doubt. Self- doubt turns to fear. Fear to submission. What if you were encouraged to explore the possibility that maybe--- just maybe--- you were right? To free your mind?

Why is asking, "
Is there something more?" then pursuing it so dangerous? The Ministry has associated it with being a subversive, lazy, anti- social, or in its extreme… criminal. It also tells us that everything “out there” is frightening, harmful, and wants to kill us! “Stay in your cages for your own protection! Watch TV, you’ll see! Thank God we have these electronic eyes to tell us how bad everything out there is! Bring me another bag of Chee-tos! Fear breeds need, and they love to remind us why we need them. And we eat it up. It’s easier. It is cancerous.


Inside each one of us, there is a voice. It's your common sense, destiny, God, the universe. Call it whatever you like, but its there-- no matter how deeply you have buried it. It is scratching and clawing to get out. I'm convinced that this is the major cause of anxiety and depression. KNOWING something's wrong, but just cannot quite grasp it or understand it, and have no road map to follow. The Splinter in the Mind that causes the mental infections flare.

Until a few years ago, I was prone to bouts of depression that would at times last for months, for NO reason, even when everything seemed that they “
should” be GREAT. It finally got to the point that I could go no further down that road, and gave in. I finally surrendered to REALLY looking into myself; trying to discover where that alarm was coming from. Nothing heroic, the status quo had simply become unbearable. It was in fact blessing.



I discovered that my conflict came from doing what “they” expected me to do, rather than what I was meant to do. I had no idea what that was yet, but I was quite certain that getting a “job” I hated just to pay bills because I was expected to was NEVER going to make me happy. I had tried to fit my square ass in that round hole long enough, and I was done. “They” could go straight to Hell. All of them. It was a profound leap of faith to accept that, but not in something external; faith in myself.


Each of us have a voice. Call it whatever you want. God, consciousness, the universe, intuition... Casper... But it's there for a reason. It's the only authority that ultimately matters, and the only opinion that counts. Quit silencing yourself in favor of the expectations and demands of others... and see what happens. If you feel even a twinge of familiarity, you owe it to yourself -- it is your DUTY as a conscious human being to explore it.


It's there for a reason....



Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Goodbye 2008

Just a quick note to wish everyone a happy New Year, and an open letter of thanks to everyone who helped make this year extraordinary. I've decided to spend the evening with Friar Chris in Denver. That seems fitting, since tonight will be the 9th or 10th visit I've made this year, and The Friary was in essence the epicenter of the year's excursions, starting in March when Chris and I reconnected after about 3 years. It also seems fitting, considering how 2009 is shaping up, to welcome it among those who have played the biggest role in envisioning, planning, and finally executing these visions and ideas. Chris and Shalain. It wont be much of a party... either bowling or a couple games of Risk, but honestly it will mean more than the generic champagne toast at a Granola Bar in Santa Fe.

Thanks not only to Chris, but also to the diverse cast of characters that played a role in the sometimes- drama, sometimes- comedy of 2008. I haven't talked to Eric since I left Denver for Tennessee in August. Not that that's too surprising! I know he still gets the email updates though, so Eric... thanks for everything. I miss mowing the lawns and all the long conversations while driving across all parts of the Denver metro with Jim Rome in the background! i can only imagine the conversations we would have had after the "financial crisis" & "bailouts!" I hope you're doing well; happy '09.

Kim:. It was terrific to reconnect with you after all these years. Glad we've kept in touch... at least a little!

Ken! I just realized that I've had a voice mail from you for, oh, three weeks is it? Fucking Sprint... I'll be in touch soon, probably tonight. Thanks for picking up the goofy backpacker in Idaho. You became one of the main players in 2008's story, and a good friend. I'm glad we've stayed in contact, at least intermittently. I'll bet our paths cross again soon! Kayaks fit in the back of a semi, right... Ha!

Nick: My buddy from the San Simeon Hike n' Bike! Glad we've stayed in touch too, and keep checking the new website. That'll get active soon I hope! Keep peddlin' and good luck with everything.

Cesar: My other truck driving pal from Laredo, TX. He and I still chat now and then too. Great guy... hope life's treating him well.

Florian & Veronika and Eric & Marine: My rides from near San Simeon to Portland, minus a few days! I've lost track of Florian, but have a nagging feeling that I'll run into him again in Munich... in fact I'll make a point of it. Eric & Marine are back in France now, and while we don't really chat much I have the same feeling about these two. Brittany, eh?

Rich (of freight train fame) and I have chatted a couple of times online. He found his way to Colorado the day after we parted ways in La Grande, OR. Someone bought him a bus ticket to Steamboat Springs, CO or wherever it was he was going! He's planning on going to Costa Rica to bartend in the spring, if you can believe that!

I still hear from Leah in Glenwood Springs occasionally, and Dave and I only exchanged an email or two. Chris & Chloe, my other Couchsurfing hosts, I've not spoken with at all unfortunately. That's how these things go sometimes. I often wonder how they're doing and how life on Bree's 100- year old houseboat is!

I've lost touch completely with Ciel, Pat, Will, Pastor Snake, Jack, Richard the Racist Trucker, Dennis the Drunk Ride Thru the Rockies, Doug the Drunk Ride to Wyoming, Jeanette (Rawlins, WY), the Homeless Shelter crew in Ft. Morgan... I think alot about Ciel, Pat, Jeanette, and Jesus's Bikers in NC., wondering how they are.

It's funny to sit down and try to reflect on all the people I've encountered just by stepping out the door, and there are more. I haven't hardly mentioned the people that I met during that two- weeks as a carnie! Three of the most interesting people ever. Jimmy, Steve, & Trish. And then of course the Gay Carnival Crew in New Orleans. Did I ever tell you about that?? HA! Suffice it to say I now know what it must feel like to be "fresh fish" in prison... and no, it didn't end like the scene in Shawshank or Deliverance! They were such drama "queens"! Remind me to recount that sometime.

Finally, I should thank my girlfriend, Shalain. Really... who puts up with this shit? While she doesn't completely understand, she's been remarkably supportive of all of this. She's pretty much the only real link left to my WRKR days, and has had a front- row seat on this roller coaster of a life I lead. We've been together for the better part of 8- years now and she's seen it all... the good, bad, ugly... and she's stuck around. That surprises me at times, and she's getting behind these big plans for the next few years. That's loyalty! Hopefully I can pay it back sometime.

That being said, this may just about do it for Running With the Wind. I'm not taking the blog down, and may still post on it occasionally, but Friar and I have fired up a new one to cover the next phase of... whatever this is. January 1st seems like an appropriate time to start using it. It will be a cooperative effort, with posts and past writings and ruminations from both of us. It already has what I consider "highlights" from this blog, and Chris will soon be adding some from his cross- country walk. It's not fully active yet, but if you'd like to see it it's here: http://tenosce09.blogspot.com/ There's also a link under my blog list. Snoop around and let us know what you think.

Again, Happy New year! Here's to an exciting 2009!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Winter Quarters: 2009 and Beyond

As I posted yesterday, Friar Chris and I had in August tentatively planned an extended trip to Mexico and South America to begin this month. Nothing ever goes as planned. That plan slowly morphed into something else, something much larger, something resembling a general plan with an ultimate outcome, rather than nomadic adventure. We’ve refrained from timetables, or even setting an “order” of things and as of yet have only tentatively decided on what will happen in 2009.

I never realized how much I enjoyed writing. The revelation came while I was in Portland staying with Dave over July 4th weekend, and I spent most of the time on his laptop updating the blog! I also spent dozens of hours on Chris’ laptop during my extended stays in Denver this summer. This ambitious idea’s seed sprouted while I was in Nashville, North Carolina, and recapping everything on my return to New Mexico after this summer’s exploits. What has become slowly apparent is that I seem to have found the voice that I could never quite seem to grasp while I was on the radio. I always found it difficult to try to do something with any depth one break, then be backselling shitty bands and hocking shitty used cars the next.


*OUR BIGGEST SALE OF THE YYYYEARRRR!!!*
Just like last weeks!

We’re going to combine common passions: Travel, adventure, exploration, photography, philosophy and… society. And, we are going to write a book about it.

What is that voice? What are we going to write about? The idea of another ‘Into the Wild’ personally makes me sick, and the world needs another generic “travel journal” like I need another cavity. For me to embrace the idea, it needs a soul. As is usually the case, I need only to look at where my writing has naturally gone: the people I meet, their lives, and how they see and fit into the world, and the system. And, ultimately a disconnected observation of the system itself. The Matrix.

Each of our experiences are different, and when we meet each other, separate of the Matrix, each of our lives are altered just a bit. Ciel. Pat. Kim. Ken. Cesar. Richard. Bree. Rich!

To go a bit further, and to borrow from Howard Beale:

“Because the only truth [we] know is what [we] get over this tube. Right now, there is … an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation. This tube can make or break Presidents, Popes, Prime Ministers. This tube is the most awesome, god-damned force in the whole godless world. And woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people… [Controlling] the most awesome, god-damned propaganda force in the whole godless world, who knows what shit will be peddled for truth. So, you listen to me! Listen to me! Television is not the truth. Television is a god-damned amusement park. Television is a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, story tellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers and football players. We're in the boredom-killing business. So if you want the truth, go to your God, go to your gurus, go to yourselves because that's the only place you're ever gonna find any real truth. But man, you're never gonna get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear. We lie like hell! We'll tell you that Kojack always gets the killer, and nobody ever gets cancer in Archie Bunker's house. And no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry. Just look at your watch - at the end of the hour, he's gonna win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man. None of it is true! But you people sit there day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds - we're all [that] you know. You… believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you. You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube. You even think like the tube. This is mass madness. You maniacs. In God's name, you people are the real thing. We are the illusion. So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off. Turn them off right in the middle of this sentence I am speaking to you now. Turn them off!



That’s ultimately what I intend to do, and what I achieved in limited amounts this summer: discover the truth about who you are, who I am, who WE are, separate from this filter and these definitions we seem to depend upon to tell us what the world is. The producers of these images and ideas coming through your television sets are simply using them to sell you something: conformity, agenda, and an idea of success and purpose through different kinds of fear. Fear of people, ideology, and imposed definitions of success… and failure. Ones that you have accepted. In the end, they demand that you to submit to a system that is NOT in your best interest; that’s meant to have you willingly enter into a state of indentured servitude- a compliant financial slavery. I intend to look beneath the image presented to us, and see for myself exactly what kind of world we live in. And… talk about it. I’ll never lack of material.


That is a very broad outline of the deeper reasons, but it’s also sad that anyone can go nearly anywhere on the globe today- all you need is money! What makes something unique is how you get there, whom you meet along the way, and how the experience changes you while deepening and broadening your perspective. You don’t get that from a window seat on a 747. There’s no adventure left in the world. Nothing left to explore. There will never be another Marco Polo, Magellan, or even Lewis & Clark. You are always following someone else’s trail. In the 21st century, you need to create your own, and it would seem that the only way to do that is to reject unnecessary convenience, which ironically always seems to be the things that cost money! So, in that sense, and Chris and I are in agreement on this, it would be pointless to stash thousands of dollars away simply to follow the paths of others. I’ve never been much of a follower.

All that being said, we’ve come up with a few rough ideas of adventures we may embark upon. I also love the idea of taking suggestions, even challenges. I believe we’re going to incorporate that idea into the overall scheme to make it a bit more interactive. We’re also going to add a PayPal link so people can donate money if they’d like to. Chris and I both met people who offered money, but we never felt comfortable taking it. We’ve come to the conclusion that that’s really absurd. I myself had countless people tell me that they “always wanted to do something like that”, but for whatever reason never felt they could. This was simply their way of participating in the one way they felt they could. Coupled with the suggestions/ challenges I hope that we can utilize the internet to make it more of an interactive experience. Chris’ walk across the country struck a chord with people, as did my wander this summer. Why not let people take part?

Current Schemes:

The Clark- Lewis: A reverse Lewis & Clark (Map Below)

Starting in either Great Falls or Billings, Montana and kayaking the length of the Missouri River to St. Louis, then taking the Mississippi to New Orleans and the Gulf of Mexico. Quite a costly beginning to this; neither of us own a kayak, and I’ve never even been in one! This trip would be self- sustained of course camping along the river, and re- supplying in river towns along the way. The route takes us through Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, along the border of Nebraska and Iowa, then across Missouri to the Mississippi. We’ve tentatively decided on this for the departure trip, to begin in May or June of 2009 because of the early spring climate in Montana. The route is in the neighborhood of 4,000 miles, is with the current, and would take several months… and cost a lot of money! We would use separate single paddler, open- water kayaks and would decide where we go once in the Gulf along the way. Possibilities include paddling the Florida coast, the Texas coast, or stopping down for a month or two to raise money. And, of course selling the kayaks is a very real possibility, especially after 4,000 miles in them!


The Danube: Germany to the Black Sea (Map Below)

This sounds fascinating to me. We would more than likely fly into London, then cross the channel into France. There are a series of rivers that takes you thru Paris, to the Rhine in Germany. We would then somehow portage the (relatively) short distance from the Rhine to the Danube. The Danube begins in the Black Forrest, and passes thru Vienna, Austria then into Eastern Europe including Budapest, Belgrade, along the Serbian/ Romanian then Bulgarian/ Romanian borders, finally emptying into the Black Sea a bit south of Odessa (Ukraine). This route is in the 2,000- 3,000-mile range, with the current and IS old Europe. From the Black Sea, we have plethora of options. We could take the Ob north into the Ukraine and the old Soviet Union, however that limits us due to the weather. The other, and more likely option, is south along the Bulgarian coast to the ancient Constantinople, now Istanbul. Muslim country. Istanbul connects the Black Sea to the Aegean Sea, which separates Greece and Turkey, and takes one into the Mediterranean. We would then kayak the entire northern Mediterranean coast. Greece, including Athens, Albania, Montenegro, Croatia, Italy, France, Spain, and then symbolically through the Straits of Gibraltar. This trip is a monster, and I love this idea!


Africa: Volunteering/ Observing

This is the one that is perhaps the “most” everything. Adventurous, dangerous, rewarding, educational, enlightening, and utterly infuriating. Somehow, I believe this one will happen. Chris and I both have connections with relief agencies, and have a desire to get on the ground, help out, AND see for ourselves not only the state of humanity in Africa, but how these “relief” agencies actually operate… and the levels of corruption on all sides. This has been of personal interest to me since I volunteered in New Orleans & Mississippi after Katrina. I was astounded that even through all that destruction, and suffering agenda, corruption, and self- interest reigned supreme. I’ll never give a red cent to the Red Cross, and know of many other who are disgusted at their for- profit practices under the guise of charity. How quickly we forget the scandal after 9/11… As was the case after Katrina, when you attempt to go thru the “proper channels”, you’re ultimately told that it would be best to send cash. Horseshit. If you do a little research, you’ll find how most of these organizations are in the business of direct marketing. Marketing to naïve, idealistic college students. Selling “relief” as an “experience” and a chance to immerse yourselves in a quaint culture! Of course, you pay a hefty price for this “experience” $3,000 to upwards of $10,000 not including airfare. There’s cover charge to volunteer. After chatting online with a young lady who has actually LIVED there her entire life, my suspicions were reinforced. She advised that one could indeed ignore the “for- profit non- profits”, and once you were on the continent, and if you had an idea of where to go, they would most definitely put you to work. Creating safe water supplies requires labor, not a trust fund or ideology.


Latin America 2k9

This has been the constant. Mexico, along with Central and South America has always lured me. This is the most obvious example of economic colonialism that I can think of; it’s in our own back yard. The Sandinistas, Iran/ Contra is still fresh, while United Fruit is still nestled in my mind. I was raised to fear Latin America as some sort of uncivilized zoo, where “freedom fighters” are fighting “guerrillas”, and where “leftist” death squads are roving the back roads killing priests and anything loving “freedom”! The realization that most of the death squads were actually right- wing and sanctioned by the US government, and that we were also killing priests while toppling governments and propping up dictators like Pinochet has raised questions that neither agenda- fed faction has been able to answer. I’d like to sit down with a Nicaraguan family, and listen to the effects of economic imperialism. Ask why they believe that, with all the resources available, Latin America has remained in a retarded state of development. I suspect I know the answer already. In addition to that, I’d like to get to Machu Picchu, Lake Titicaca, Lima, and see the Nazca Lines, as well as all the Mayan ruins I can take in. Venezuela also, just to see how oppressive that “evil Commie” Hugo Chavez is. Rio, and Buenos Aires also. Rest assured however, I don’t foresee any kayaking of the Amazon! There is a road in Bolivia that’s known as the deadliest in the world. Wouldn’t that be a fun hike? There’s an untold story down there, and something beyond that I sense. What? I have no idea. Finally, this is the expedition that has garnered the most interest in participation from others. I know of no fewer than 7 others who have expressed sincere interest in this, including a guy who flew to Paris to join the Foreign Legion! No Shit!! He came home only after his knee gave way. He’s trying to rehab to give it another try. Ah, the people you meet…


India

Not a lot to add other than Chris and I both would love to do a walkabout here. We both have friends in Mumbai (Bombay), and I personally think that observing the separation of wealth in this emerging economic powerhouse would be interesting, plus maybe I can meet a few of the folks who snatched out jobs away!


Kayaking the Nile: Lake Victoria to Cairo to Alexandria

A long shot. Depends on the political situations, and how well we adapt. Would take us thru places like Kenya, and the Sudan. If we pulled this off, I could officially tell Bear Grylls to kiss my ass.


Hit up the poll; which of these do you think would be the most interesting to read about?

Winter Quarters: Recap

I must have “intended” to update this thing a hundred times over the past couple of months, but for various reasons (read: rationalization) I have not. I have been both busy and quite hermetic at the same time. I’ve come to terms with being back in Santa Fe by completely isolating myself from it! It’s amusing that I have yet to build ANY kind of a social circle, preferring instead to sit at home and work, raising money for 2009. It has become obvious that whatever attraction I once had to this pretentious little town is dead. At first, I thought that perhaps it was just me wanting to separate myself completely from everything, but when we went back to Michigan, and then on my trip to Denver last week, I realized that I am just as social as ever- I just have no interest in socializing with anyone HERE… or even meeting anyone! Not sure what to make of that, but I have inclinations!


Last I updated was shortly before the election of what appears from the media to be Abraham Delano Obama. I sat down at the computer the next day and, caught up in the hype, began to write how “proud” I was that we had elected a black man as President. However, something didn’t feel right about it, so I scrapped it. I then watched the news coverage over the next few days and realized how they’ve proclaimed this man Savior of the American Race. Pure demagoguery. I then realized that the liberals are now just as bad as the conservatives were; scurrying about with their proverbial chests thrown out acting as though they were solely responsible for an evolutionary shift in humanity! Yes, I’m experiencing a further Liberal Backlash, and am finding myself taking a ‘right turn’ in my thinking. The Socialists disguised as simple “Progressives” have sprung forth from the woodwork, and I’m afraid that my liberal friends are going to have a rude awakening when the electoral center grows weary of what’s been unleashed: moral elitism with a dash of white liberal guilt and wielding an imaginary "mandate." I haven’t bothered with TV in over a month. It's disgusting that you as a nation are patting yourselves on the back, and claiming “accomplishment” for simply electing a black man. It seems a bit like congratulating a redneck for not beating the wife or your teenager because he is no longer stealing car stereos! Congratulations America, you’ve almost achieved something resembling equality; forget that it should be EXPECTED! The best man obviously won, and I wish him well. But let’s consider the alternative for a moment, shall we? McCain/ Palin? And. if we were such a diverse Nirvana, the fact that Obama is black would mean nothing, right? Get over your self- righteousness and let’s see how the man governs before we anoint him anything but President… he IS a politician after all. “Change?” PROVE IT. Then I’ll hop on this already full bandwagon.


On a lighter note, I have had sort of a “Peter Gibbons” experience for fans of “Office Space.” My little work- from- home data entry gig has turned into what appears to be a decent paying full- time job. I was brutally honest with them when they hired me, telling them that I wasn’t looking for anything long term because I was setting out again sooner than later. Apparently, they appreciated the honesty and the fact that I told them directly that I was not interested in anything that involved “ladder climbing”, because last week they essentially doubled my salary while still letting me work from home… as much or as little as I choose. It was perfectly timed because it appears that the next phase is taking shape, and I’ll be able to easily prepare for it.


Facebook has provided some rather creepy reunions. I’ve touched base with many people from my WRKR radio days in Kalamazoo, and even people from high school that I NEVER thought I’d chat with again. One has been quite interesting and intellectually rewarding. Steve was a guy I never really associated with, but we’ve had some similar experiences and have developed parallel views on things.


Another nice surprise was seeing my friend Himanshu, who’s from Mumbai, in BATTLE CREEK of all fucking places. He was there on business while we were home, and had a chance to have dinner with him. I hadn’t seen him since we met thru Couchsurfing in 2006 when he stayed the weekend with us in Denver. I picked his brain on India a bit… we’ll see! His blog is in my bloglist under ‘My Wanderings’… check it out. Excellent writer and photographer.


Other than work, and the trip back to Michigan, the rest of the winter has been quiet. I’ve discovered the wonders of ebay (ha!), and have been slowly re- gearing when I can. I made a quick trip to Denver last week to bask in $1.50 gas, and to try to get things a bit more solidified with Chris. The original idea was to head toward Mexico this month, but we have decided to go bigger… MUCH bigger… and as a result are taking the rest of the winter to prepare. I’m being ambiguous on purpose. Our current construct deserves its own space.


Christmas is now just a few days away, and 2009 will be here in just over a week. Of course, this is the time of year when you naturally reflect on the year that was. When I think of how the year began, and as it progressed the things I’ve done and seen; the people I’ve met… 2008 was very good to me. I’ve reconnected with old friends, met new ones, and had some experiences that to me are priceless. I managed to live a little, and set a foundation for 2009 and beyond.What's fun is thinking where I was a year ago!


Finally, I believe that this particular blog may be ending, although not 100% sure. Rather than the complete book, this is merely a chapter. I suppose that one or two more post would be appropriate, including what Chris and I are plotting. From there, I’ll let you know ...

Friday, October 31, 2008

10/31 "Emancipate Yourselves"



We each have an inescapable responsibility to live our lives
purposefully, to choose who we want to be and who we want to become in a shifting and complex world, to name ourselves and construct our identities in the noise and chaos of the whirlwind. One of my earliest teachers put it this way: Live your life in a way that won’t make a mockery of your values.

Of course, that injunction settles nothing in the everyday world we inhabit: we still have to make our choices operating largely in the dark, we still live without guarantees regarding the outcomes of our choices or our actions. But the admonition has as well some positive spark: it assumes that we have values that we can access and assess; it asks us to use those values as guides and goals; it challenges us to live a life that ties those values as closely as possible to our behavior every moment of every day. But it’s a bit like the exchange in Wonderland when Alice asks the Cheshire Cat, “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” says the cat. As the saying goes, if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. Making our values explicit and accessible is one way to begin to create, if not a detailed and completed map, at least a sketch and a dream. This is what freedom looks like—it asks us to act with courage, to operate without a safety net, to confront the horrors as well as to celebrate the joys of living, and finally, to choose.

In the 1999 Brazilian film Central Station we find a woman who makes a meager living writing letters for illiterate people in a downtown train terminal.One day a man comes to her with an astonishing offer: he will pay her a significant amount of money if on the following day she will pick up a young boy at a certain address and deliver him to an American couple on the other side of the city so that the boy can be adopted. She of course takes the job, collects her money, and on the way home stops off to buy a new television set. Later, happily watching her new TV, a friend stops by and hears the story of the boy. Her friend reproves her. Are you crazy? she asks. Don’t you follow the news? She explains that children all over Rio are being kidnapped, sold, and murdered, their organs harvested for an international market in such things. The woman sets off immediately to try to find the boy and save his life.

When the woman took the job, there was no burning ethical issue involved. But when her eyes were opened, she had to either act or choose indifference and therefore immorality. A first step, then, in making a moral choice or taking an ethical action is to open our eyes to reality. We must see the world as it is, we must act on the world, and we must also then question whether our action was completely correct. And we act again.

During the time of slavery there were undoubtedly honest slave traders, loyal slave-catchers, and plantation owners who told the truth, paid their bills, and lived up to their promises, but in what sense were they acting ethically? In order to be a moral person then and there—it seems so obvious now—one would have had to work for abolition. Not many did, but we find some comfort today in telling ourselves we would surely have been among the courageous and the righteous few. But is it true? How do we know? We know that a slave society undermines goodness every moment in a million different ways. And since we know that it is very nearly impossible for individuals to live virtuous lives in a slave state, it becomes essential to end slavery—or, in these times, to work toward a more just and peaceful world—as part of leading a moral life. A just society creates the conditions for more of us to act more often in a moral way. Are there any injustices here and now that we take for granted for which the coming generations might indict or condemn us? And, most important, what social and community standards would allow or invite more of us to do the right thing?

If you don't recognize the above picture, click it and read the background.

10/31 A Political Evolution & Decision

Four years ago I could be considered a Democrat, and I still have a few of the same core beliefs, although I consider them more "populist" than "liberal", as vague as that term is. Health care, the "Justice" System; defining a person's worth as "Human Kapital" for example.

"Need a lawyer? NO MONEY???? f--- YOU! Off to jail!"

My views have gone 180 on guns. I was thrilled when I heard Ron Paul (I think) actually express why the 2nd Amendment's there, then watching the rest of the "conservatives" shout him down sealed the deal for me.

I believe the "tribute" system of income tax should be abolished if that "tax" money is going to be used to simply further enrich the economic elites and to invade nations who never attacked us... first in the name of "national security", then when no weapons threat is found, "spreading democracy." I'm not so sure it's Democracy they've been spreading... perhaps it's economic and social syphilis.


I'm one of the few Southwest Gringos of the opinion that the illegal immigrant "problem" we have is of our own doing. After 100 years of
economic colonization in Latin America, and suppressing entire economies, why should we be surprised that these people are making their way here? I love hearing Rednecks bitch about Mexicans working on some fruit farm, then "sending their money home"... when we've been doing the same thing, on a corporate scale, for decades. What, Billy Bob, would YOU do if you were them?

Illegal Immigration IS a problem, and I'm surprised to not hear more about THEIR effect on this "mortgage meltdown". I spent parts of two years ('06- '08) helping a friend maintain repossessed houses in Denver, and business was booming! It seemed that 1 in 2 or 3 was immigrant- related. The mortgage companies would give loans to illegals that NEVER had any intention of paying beyond a month or two! Tell me, oh! free- market capitalists, whose fault is that? Do you expect those being handed the loans to police YOUR lending practices? HA!

Wait...
we just handed them $700b... I guess so! Remember that term "Corporate Socialism" I lobbed your way back in July? I expect the pundits to begin paying royalties any day now!

Now, how does one reconcile social liberalism (populism) with the TRUE conservative ideals surrounding civil liberty? Don't think too long on that... there is no real answer. The "either/ or" dialectic; black and white choices take over.

No, thanks.

I simply don't believe in the presented,
apparently accepted dialectic. That being the case, I think it's my duty to abstain.

MLK, Gandhi, and thus by extension Thoreau, are the three people I respect most and the three I use as examples most often, and it's not coincidence that King and Gandhi are the two individuals that accomplished, what I consider, the most significant "change" of the 20th century. Neither did it by quietly 'requesting' policy change because all three knew something very important: that quietly requesting "change" in the status quo wasn't enough-
it took a significant portion of the populace to loudly, yet peacefully, demand it; making it known that they were NOT going to trust and wait for the system to "change itself". They would have been the Libertarians of their time: waiting for the gold- plated invitation to the ball... while those already there laughed at the notion!

Don't get me wrong, by no means are voting and protesting, in whatever way you choose, mutually exclusive. I take Thoreau's approach, and encourage others to do the same. Rather than trying to convince the world of my "righteousness" and drag them along, I do what I think is right and seek out those who feel the same. That mindset, and the willingness to walk alone, has helped me to realize that I am
FAR from "walking alone." The vast majority of people that I met on my little "walkabout" obviously felt the same way, but were afraid to express it out of fear of being seen as "UN- American" or "nuts." Nuts because they see through the charade? Wow.

One of Thoreau's themes that Gandhi, and thus King, utilized was "withdrawing support"; Civil Disobedience. In other words, not just accepting what piecemeal they're handing you and saying "
Thanks! More please?" By that rationale, King would have never marched, Rosa Parks would have moved to the back, and Gandhi would have never begun in South Africa. They would have just let Whitey "vote" and and "hoped" for the best. There are many ways to withdraw support, but the basic idea is that if you disagree with something, you don't perpetuate it by participating.
"Any fool can make a law, and any fool will follow it."

I believe we've "hoped for the best" and quietly accepted their offerings long enough. After the Republican's blatant disdain for American Constitutional Values, after watching Reid, Pelosi, and the rest of the "opposition party" operate for two years, THEN watching both parties "come together" to offer a massive bailout to Wall Street, I have no use for any of them if THIS was their example of bipartisanship, and believe that as long as this two- party farce remains, that
Lenin was right: "Democracy only provides the illusion of choice. The real decisions are made in the smoke- filled back rooms." In that sense, seeing NO political party that represents my interests, and seeing the two primary parties as factions of the same, I choose to offer my support for: neither.

I no longer believe that 50-60% stay home due simply to apathy. They remain uninspired, and know that which faction they choose will make little, if any, difference at all. Considering this, it's abhorrent that we have third, fourth, and fifth parties out there that refuse to DEMAND that they are part of the discussion. But, that's a bit difficult with Corporate Media, isn't it?

As for that supposed "civic duty of voting", I reserve the right to vote if I choose to. I welcome criticism of this decision because it wasn't come to lightly, and it's something that SHOULD be publicly discussed. I'm obviously NOT the only one considering this, but when I hear that "duty" argument, which I have from innumerable directions, I think of
American Idol and Dancing With the Stars. People caught up in meaningless, mindless entertainment and convincing themselves that the results matter. How many 13 year old girls treat the latest "Idol Heartthrob" in the same fashion some voters treat their demagogues? (And that's EXACTLY what they are.)

Obviously, I don't see any of the candidates as anything more than meat- puppets propped up to pacify the public with the illusion of choice. The campaigns have
become "Extreme Reality TV." "Discourse" has degenerated to the laughable, where a VP candidate is chosen because she's "hot" and is presented as ignorant enough to "relate" to the ignorant masses. Degenerated to the point where neither candidate is willing to actually express ANYTHING beyond broad, pollyanic generalities, and Happy Talk for the future... because they DON'T HAVE TO. No one holds them accountable. How many times at ANY of the debates did an answer SCREAM for a follow- up???? Like American Idol however, "TV Time" is king. King because the politicos and TV execs assume that the masses don't have the attention span to pay attention to detail. All they need to do is drop the next Bill Ayers or Troopergate distraction bomb... and they're relieved of the need to answer ANY topical questions. Want the punditry to ask them? HA! They offer simple agenda- fed "commentary", then parade the campaign's "spin doctors" onto the screen to disseminate their particular brand of propaganda. It's all designed to engage the public in prefabricated, fallacious, meaningless dialectic. They just call it "narrative", with next to no resistance from that little aspect of a "democracy" that the founders thought was essential to its survival: the "free", vigilant press.

If you want to remain enthralled in this season of "Political Idol",
hoping that your dreamy contestant wins, that's fine. I wont criticize you, and it IS the noble, some say even even responsible thing to do. My question is this: Where does TRUE responsibility lie? To party? System? Country? Or, your own personal beliefs as a sovereign human being: Principles? What if you were expected to choose urine- soup or feces- stew for dinner, and expected to be thankful for the privilege of choosing? Would you leave the table? Or would you try to decide what you're "hungry" for before eagerly digging in?

I personally don't see this election as changing anything, or even more significant, in the grand scope of things, than if Ruben or Carrie won, or if Emmit Smith can boogie. The country will continue on it's predetermined course...

If you think that independent- abstention is the "easy" route, you're mistaken. It was much easier to rely on the Liberal talking points to decide what I thought when I was an anti- Republican Democrat. It gets a bit more complicated when you're forced to evaluate what YOU think rather than what your adopted ideology tells you that you SHOULD, and when there are no symbolic "weather vanes" to look to for guidance. Not to mention the fact that the
herd mentality is gone, and you cannot gain refuge in the fact that there are millions of others following the same ideological- messiah you are. No my friend, this is NOT the easy road for a person who actually CARES about what's happening... but, and take it for what it's worth... I think it's the ONLY road for that person. Even if it leads him back "home", it should be traveled.

It is important to be able to differentiate between "country" and "government", and avoid mistaking dissent and 'withdrawal of support' for something akin to "civic treason." I love my country, apparently more than most people. Enough to try to stay "involved" while not accepting that this "is as good as it gets", or that
this is the acceptable moral peak of a just society. I believe in the idea of this country enough to step out onto the fringes... alone... to seek out SOMEONE who is capable of leading us there, rather than settling for the political Extra Value Meal.

The years since 9/11 have disturbed me enough to seek real solutions, rather than
taking what I consider the easy way out: compromising for the sake of an easy, politically correct action and decision. It disturbs me to no end to see what's happening to America, and what's being done to it by this factional monopoly.

But, you know? It may surprise you to hear that I'm
NOT a cynic!! I believe there is "hope". If I didn't, I wouldn't bother with things like this; conversations, discussion, and reassuring others that they are NOT diluted for feeling that they deserve better IS an important part of the process. The Internet hearkens back to the Salon Days... when people would get together, exposing themselves to different perspectives.

Being a responsible, involved, citizen/ patriot is more than punching the prearranged ballot, then hoisting your chin into the air because "you decided!" Sometimes being a true patriot (as opposed to Nationalist) is having the courage to stand the fuck up, sometimes even metaphorically, and shouting that there is something desperately WRONG. Then, being willing to do something about it... whatever it is that you are capable of.

A friend wrote:
But, the only thing [you] CAN shout from the sidelines is that the whole thing is a fraud. Because the minute he deals with specifics, he has engaged in the charade himself, making it relevant and important.
There are few things I'm absolutely sure of, but one of them is that I take my marching orders, or speaking cues from no one. I'll speak my mind, shout my opinions, and I will feel justified to do so, even if you believe otherwise. I haven't renounced my citizenship, and my First Amendment RIGHT is STILL just as legitimate as yours. Like it or not, I won't buy into that "love it or leave it" bullshit.

I understand that seemingly institutional mentality that wants to keep us confined within that little box, but I'll step outside of it when, where, and how I choose. Like it or not, I am voicing the frustrations of the majority, rather it's acceptable, tactically, to you or not. I suppose I could take the same stance, and tell you that your commentary should be confined to L/R dialectics and political tactics because you reject the theory that there's ANYTHING better possible... except through the hope that the establishment will deliver it... in time. Let me know how that works out for you.

That being said, the vast majority of us are ultimately on the same team, regardless of affiliations. Most liberals, conservatives... we all want what's best for the country. It's usually the party "loyalists" who descend into the gutter... lobbing "terrorist", and "Socialist" around, or dredging up the latest dirty quotes from their disinformation sites. I have no disrespect in my heart for those that disagree with me... as long as they are thinking for themselves.

I read a comment as to how, much like the aftermath of 9/11 and in the face of the financial meltdown, we were beginning to see each other as Americans rather than political opponents. I applaud that sentiment, and halfheartedly agree. People are beginning to see the "enemy" as the government and politicians themselves. No, not the those we see plastered on TV, or canvassing for the Chosen One... but "Genuine" Americans. (There, now fuck off Sarah.)

My challenge goes a bit further: Demand the leadership you deserve... rather than homogenized, rhetoric- filled, anesthetic that simply allows us to continue down the same path when it wears off. If you feel that voting "against" someone is the way to go... DO IT! If you believe that continuing to vote for the lesser of two evils is the solution... DO IT! Call me "elitist" if you like, I happen to believe that standing on principle MEANS something, if for no other reason than to offer yourself as an example to others.

10/31 Election: Voting Principle

Unless noted, the following posts have been copied from my posts on another site...

As most of you know, I spent the summer in an effort to see for myself what the America v.2008 is, without ideological/ media filters.


Maybe some of my conservative/ NeoCon friends can enlighten me: Why are those beneath the blanket of religion and Nationalism those that are the most frightened? Does fear lead them to that camp, OR are these fears stoked by "God N Government?" Why is it that the rednecks down south, reeking of the Michigan Rednecks I was raised with, are the ones who most commonly, and almost without exception, spew racial hatred, xenophobia, and Nationalist Rhetoric... while showing off their guns and quoting scripture? Why is it that those who constantly quote Limbaugh and Hannity are, without question, the most frightened? THEY are the ones who repeatedly warned me how "dangerous" my undertaking was, despite the fact that I NEVER was in any danger!


As for the NeoLiberal Hippies, perhaps you can tell me what exactly makes you think that resurrecting a long- dead, failed ideology... complete with the same granola- smelling costumes from the 1960's... is going to get you any closer to Collectivism than it did 40- years ago? Don't you realize that your "heroes" sold- out long ago, when they discovered that they couldn't eat idealism? Sure, they're still espousing these ideals, but the joke's on you: They're SELLING them to you and making obscene profits! Whole Foods... "Organic" toothpaste... Hookah Bars... "Progressive" Politics. They're the same "capitalists" you claim to despise; and they're exploiting your starry- eyed ignorance by selling you their recycled shit!


As a true "Independent", there was a stunning realization while traveling from SoCal to Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, and out to North Carolina: WE ARE the majority. Almost to a man/ woman, the people I talked with were utterly disgusted with both "parties". People are most definitely seeking "change", but Barack... don't
kid yourself: Our idea of "real" change does NOT include you; you're simply the lesser of two evils... not saying much considering the competition! "Throw all their asses out" was the mantra I heard most, and this was well before the financial meltdown. People are hungry for something different; something genuine. If there were alternative parties that weren't so timid (Libertarians) or theocratic (Constitution), AND if there was a media that wasn't bought and paid for by the establishment, there would be a real opportunity.


I would support ANY candidate whose primary focus promised abolition of the Patriot Act. In my opinion, and take it for what it's worth, the Patriot Act and the expansion of government spying on American citizens is the primary issue of our times. Not terrorism... not gay marriage... not abortion... not Bill Ayers.... not Troopergate... not Iraq: it's Civil Liberties. The tactics used to erode OUR civil liberties are the same ones used throughout history: Convince them that they are under attack and co- opt that fear to stoke Nationalism by reinforcing the notion that their country's being "hijacked by evil." The "Islamification" of America... Obama's cajoling with "domestic terrorists."
The details are never the same, but the tactics never change. Note the Nationalistic tone: "He doesn't view 'merica like you and I do", "... he thinks 'merica is imperfect unuff...." "He's a SOCIALIST!!!" Now, substitute "Jew" for "Terrorist" or "Socialist", and Palin sounds a bit like Hitler in her attacks of Obama.


Power, unchecked, leads to tyranny. "Tyranny" leads to the elimination of personal liberties; this was the main theme of the Founders. The Patriot Act, Signing Statements, Executive Orders... all in the name of National Security: Tyranny. It boggles my mind how easily people lose sight of this through fear, propaganda, jingoism, greed, and apathy. It's predictable however. The "Zoo Analogy" rings true: "People will choose the safety and security of the zoo over the freedom and responsibility of the jungle." Especially a fat, lazy, complacent... CONTENT... populace.


As for the possibility of another terrorist attack? I said this before and was shouted down... but I'll say it again. BRING IT ON. Some things are too important to be compromised. Nothing supersedes freedom. If the population is so apathetic (or simply pathetic) to abdicate their liberties to Big Brother's protection, then they deserve EXACTLY what they get. If people are too scared or too lazy or too scared to protect themselves ("responsibility" of freedom), then they deserve tyranny.


I believe that many among us have lost sight of a very simple distinction. The difference between "Country" and "Government." The political elite would like you to believe there is no difference; thus they can equate dissent with treason. However, many people MUCH smarter than you and I, and with fresh memories of tyrannical struggle have left us little notes stashed in the knotholes of history.

"Those who would sacrifice freedom for security..."

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country from its government..."

"All men recognize the right of revolution..."


This distinction is important. Once made, free- thinking individuals, those who cannot be defined as "party loyalists", will conclude that the "traitors to their country" are NOT those who dissent, but are those who promulgate the Police State.


Using this as a fundamental foundation, to me the battle lines are clear; and in this case 'black and white' apply: If you're "with" the Patriot Act, you're "against" us.


That being said, I've decided not to vote.


Spare me the "then don't complain" crap. I'll continue to complain, loudly, no matter who you "choose". I've seen where lack of principle leads, and I can't simply vote "against McCain." A vote for EITHER of them is essentially support for the status quo. Had either of these clowns stood up against the bailout, on principle, I may have supported them. If either of them would have the courage to put their beliefs before politics, I would have considered it. Sarah Palin???? SERIOUSLY??????


Unlike most people I'm NOT frightened by the impeding depression; I welcome it: I can adapt. Besides, it is inevitable. It's the restoration of balance. It seems that those that fear it the most are those who have profited from its cause. Right Skippy? I feel for those who have families, but a majority of Americans (WORKING class) have been struggling for a while now, and I believe are prepared. I hear of all these people who are losing money on their "investments", but call me weird: I don't know ANY of these people!!! Neither do most of those living in what I call 'real' America! (Hear that Sarah?? I used it FIRST!) What percentage of Americans have actually invested in the stock market??? That would explain the 100:1 calls AGAINST the bailout before it was passed. Real, working class Americans, IMO, are prepared for this. I'm frightened for those living in the gated houses on the hills, who are unable to adapt. The perceived predators could become the prey.


I only hope that the rest of the population gets pissed off enough to tell this party- system to go to Hell and demand real representation in their government... Despite the high- minded rhetoric, this isn't it.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Michael Corbin: Loss of a Friend, and an Inspiration

Michael Corbin
1955-2008

Late last week, I learned that a friend, Michael Corbin, died earlier this year in Denver. Michael was the host of Paranet, a syndicated radio show in the same genre as Coast to Coast, which was very successful nationwide in the 90’s, and had hosted A Closer Look for the last severalyears.

I met him at that “infamous” Colorado Libertarian Party meeting in January ‘06. We hit it off, and when he learned of my radio background he invited me to stop by the studio to hang out while he did his show, and we quickly became good friends.

Michael was one of the most brilliant people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Corbin was also, easily, the BEST radio personality I EVER personally worked with. His ability to personalize information, his recall of facts, his reservoir of knowledge, was phenomenal. I would sit in his guest chair during his show, and this "jaded little prick" (me) was in awe watching, and listening to him. Smooth. Concise. Informative. Smart.


More importantly, he is to this day my ultimate example of living one’s own ideals. He had an insatiable, authentic desire to find, then speak TRUTH, no matter its target; so much so, that it bordered on self- destructive. He did HIS show, HIS way. HE chose HIS topics, guests, and was always willing to do investigative work himself.

Michael was one of the few people whose personal example inspired me. He almost re- sold me on the relevance of radio!
We were lightly discussing the possibility of grooming me as a fill- in host by putting me on the air weekends, to cut my teeth in talk radio. But, I went back to work for the Rockies, and the bike tour I was planning for that fall then quickly consumed me, and I forgot all about radio again.

We abruptly lost track of each other until late in 2006 or early 2007 when I called to say hello. He called back a couple of days later, said he would get with me soon, but I never heard from him again.


Michael was always suspicious of power, and because he was outspoken, made many enemies- some quite powerful. Someone firebombed his studio; that someone was never found. He also spoke regularly about people ransacking his house, tapping his phone, disappearing communications, strangers threatening and following him. I was skeptical at first, but it was not the sort of brazen claim of a person who was ‘touting’ it… he was concerned. The last few times I saw him, he had just gotten his CCW permit and was always carrying a gun.

There are many people who believe that his stroke is a cover story, and I’ll be honest: after what I saw, I can understand why. However, Michael chain-smoked, was well overweight, and had extremely high blood pressure. He missed several shows due to health reasons in the short 2+ months we hung out. He was NEVER going to quit smoking, but expressed concerns, to me, about his health; and this was 2 ½ years ago.


My friendship with Michael was short. However, it was one of my most influential. He was one of the few people I have ever admired. He was not rich, and by “radio’s” definition, struggled to repeat the “success” he had achieved early in his career. Nevertheless, this was the special aspect Michael Corbin; what drew people to him and his show: He put his ideals and truth WAY ahead of commercial reward. He believed in something. That’s what drove him. When I learned of his death online last week, a wave of disgust and shame came over me. It forced me to reflect on his example of course made me reflect upon my own; look in the mirror. That “wave” is lingering.


One of the last things Michael said to me was that if you have a message, it should be “out of love.” I had no idea what he meant at the time, and it rather annoyed me. I have come to realize that what he meant was that real truth and a genuine sense of purpose does not have its nexus in ego and self-interest. It springs out of an authentic concern, love, for others. The world is full of people who are solely concerned with presenting their "product" marketed as truth; a “worldview” contrived to make a buck, or in an effort to impose their will on others by putting on a dramatic, thunderous display of intellectual wit. Intellectually and verbally bullwhipping people into a compliant state. I finally understand what he was getting at.

I had not talked to him in almost two years, and he has been gone since March. I am sick that it took me seven months to learn of his death. It seems odd but I feel the loss. A loss not just for me, but there is a void “out there” now. The world is a less authentic place. I have thought over and over again that now, Michael, you have your answers. You know the ultimate truth! Rest well my friend.


10/29 Santa Fe: September- October

It's ALIIIIIVE!!!!

Over the rest of September and most of October, I’ve grown a full head of
hair, and gained about 10 pounds. I feel fat and un-sexy. Maybe I’ll go on a shoe- shopping spree and watch the Sex & the City marathon on Lifetime…

The financial sector’s “meltdown” hit, and, like the rest of you, I was watching the developments expecting the “Great Depression 2k8”. Amidst the talk of the “bailout”, stock market crashes, and the social/ political drama, I had a birthday on 9/19. Birthdays are not fun for Todd. They have not been for a long time, but this one was particularly shitty. The domestic idleness had already begun to drive me nuts. The thoughts of simply hibernating, accomplishing nothing, weighed heavily on my mind. A cycle repeatedly perpetuating itself. Thank God, I only turned 29 again!

The following week things improved however, when I finally found some temporary work helping a Craigslister, Jack, move.
It was good to get out of the house and Jack made things quite interesting. He is about 60, and an Original Hippie. He was beyond “involved” in the 60’s, and never lost his ideals. However, he HAD come to the realization that his idealism was not going to feed him. Sometime, he has gotten to the point where he’s now the guy who is “running and running to catch up with the sun”; trying to make up for what he perceives as lost time… making money. He has gotten involved in antique dealing, and is some sort of a writer. What he writes? I have no idea. He is also involved in a few lawsuits. Oh, and he hung out with Jimi Hendrix back in the day...

Jack is one of the most secretive, borderline paranoid people you will ever met. He is pure Santa Fe. I literally spent 5- hours straight emptying his hoarded water. Hoarded because he was afraid “they” were going to “shut off the water”, or that the southwest’s concern about water was going to lead to “Water Wars”. Over the next couple of weeks, we got along quite well, but there were moments where there was palpable tension. Jack is very particular about how he wants things done, and my patience is not what it used to be. Actually, it is the same. I have simply lost my filter somewhere!

While eccentric, Jack is a genius. It was uncanny the way he would predict the next day’s events in the early days of the meltdown. His advice was, and continues to be: buy gold, hoard cash, and prepare. I came to enjoy the job, and made enough to replace the shoes I returned to REI upon my return in August, AND put a substantial amount back for the next phase.

The regular work with Jack ended in the first week of October, and the next few weeks have become progressively more and more frustrating. I continued to become more disillusioned with the government’s response to this manufactured financial “crisis”, but it helped me to solidify my socio- political stance. I will not burden you now, but I probably will sometime this week. Suffice it to say for now that it was repugnant to see both of these “leaders” supporting a taxpayer- funded bailout of these “institutions”. It went to further cement my belief that the two major “parties” are indeed factions of the same.

I had hoped to find something to quickly replace Jack’s income, but Santa Fe is not exactly a thriving, diverse, economy! I finally found a data entry gig this week that I can do from home… as often and as much as I choose to. My kinda job!

That’s the cliff notes version of the last five- weeks or so. Most of the drama was in my own little mind; I am quite a nuisance to myself when I have too much time to kill!


Chris and I have had a few conversations, although they have tapered off a bit over the last three weeks. When the meltdown hit, we concluded that traveling to Latin America might be anticlimactic; that the excitement may indeed lie right here in the US! The more I thought about it however, the less appealing that became. Latin America has been bubbling quietly beneath my surface for a long time, and the original perspective would be invaluable. Using this summer’s experience as a template, the opportunity to talk with people who have actually lived with the effects of US foreign and economic policy would be priceless. I would like to see the “real” (Ha! Hear that Frau Palin?) Latin America rather than just hearing agenda- fed bullshit. I began learning Spanish in early September, and the progress has been good, although I have not put as much into it as I would like. Chris and I have had a couple of discussions about how we would do this, and it is shaping up to possibly be quite the dramatic western-
hemispherical jaunt! On the list of possibilities: New York, Massachusetts, Michigan, Seattle, Portland, Utah, Arizona, California… then Mexico. Also, this end of the trip could include more characters. My old roommate, Joe, has expressed an interest in joining, as has Ambar, from San Diego. Ambar’s a trip! She spent the summer WWOOFING in Italy, and holds dual- residency in the US & Mexico. I have heard from an Italian, living in NYC right now, who defines himself as a “gypsy” and would perhaps like to tag along.

Yet, with all these ideas, there is still nothing concrete. I need to get some equipment in case things fall through with Chris. I cannot see carrying the full- tent again, so that means that I will need to get either a bivy, or even a Hennesy Hammock. I returned Chris’ water filter, so I need to get one and, of course, there is always the backpack. Mr. Coleman External Frame is right there… but he is looking small! I should have NEVER returned the one I had.

Despite the lack of activity on this blog, I’ve done quite a bit of “political writing.” The election is now less than a week away, and it has been interesting to see how the summer’s events have influenced my outlook. The reinforced idea being that there is nothing that replaces real
experience and that getting your information on Sarah’s “real America” from pundits is absurd. I am quite convinced that the majority of Americans are disgusted with politics and politicians in general; that if “throw all their asses out” was on the ballot we would have a 95% turnout, and a landslide of a different variety than the one currently forecast! I have only had that instinct reinforced over the weeks, and I am coming to realize two distinctions that are more significant:

On the individual scale: Patriot v. Partisan.

On the collective scale: Country v. Its Government.

While you chew on that, be prepared for a flurry of election- induced posts. To spare most of you, I am going to clear the email list of most of the names. Think of it as Todd “purging the rolls” to get you in the mood for the election! If you want me to leave you on the list, let me know. You can also subscribe through Feedburner on the actual page, and I’ve added an election poll… go vote!