10/12/06: Bike Tour- A Change in Plans II

(I thought it was) Thoreau (who) said something to the effect of "Go on your own journey, and go alone!" I'm beginning to fully understand that philosophy!

Things changed rapidly, again, last night. We discussed options and Bruno decided to ship his bike and take Greyhound to Denver from Medicine Hat, SK. He found shipping, got the ticket and boarded the bus at 1 this afternoon. I was thrilled, because the bike would get here and he would presumably arrive at 5pm Saturday and we could go from there. Simple, right?

HA!

Apparently, either Greyhound or the border officials reserve the right to refuse entry into the US from Canada to anyone holding a one- way ticket. He discovered this in Regina, after riding all the way from Medicine Hat by-- get this-- READING IT ON A WALL! So, the kid's bike is on it's way to my house, and he's afraid he wont be able to cross the border and he'll be stuck in Manitoba.

I'd be shitting too.

Here's my question: Why didn't the person selling the ticket TELL HIM ABOUT THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE???? Why'd he have to read it on the wall? I believe he's going to exchange his ticket for a round trip (back to Canada) in Winnipeg, but Christ!

This is going to turn into a rant; I can feel it. I think I'll add another section for that...

So, I'm a bit annoyed tonight. But, while I rant, I also realize that this is because of a lack of preparation. Lacking information, and a clear- cut plan of action if Vancouver didn't work. Part of the flavor, and I'm sure in a few days we'll laugh about it... just not tonight! He's supposed to call from Fargo, so I know he got in.

Pretty much the whole week has been spent trying to get Bruno here, working, and watching my Tigers in the playoffs. I hate to admit it, but if they make it to the World Series, I'll have to grab the portable XM radio to listen. I've been waiting 22 years for that!

One interesting thing happened today. Encountered my first Black Widow. HUGE! I'm working with a friend (Eric) maintaining properties that have gone into foreclosure, mowing & winterizing. We found this little monster hiding in the tub drain. I had heard that the Brown Recluse was in Colorado, but didn't expect to see a Widow. Got some pictures of her, and let her be. Can't believe I didn't squish her, but she wasn't hurting anyone. I can deal with snakes, bats, and just about anything else; not a fan of spiders!

Decided to work a few days next week, since we'll be waiting for Bruno's bike. Might see if he wants to ride along with us. The bike will take 7- 10 days, so we've pushed the start date back again. Guessing either the 21st or 22nd, but maybe as late as the 24th. I suppose there's one positive out of this: making more money! Also, all this has shaken me further out of my "how" funk, and back to the "why's". And Bruno's got another story to tell!

I looked at a few routes from Denver to S. Colorado; there's not much out east. La Veta pass seems like the best place to cross the mountains, on Hwy. 160. The pass is 'only' 9000 ft. or so, and descends into the San Luis Valley to Ft. Garland. We could ride south from there into New Mexico to Taos. I know that route to Taos well from living there. At that point we could cross New Mexico going across the Rio Grande Gorge bridge (seen Natural Born Killers? The bridge scene.) and west. We'll discuss all that later, but a trip to the Sand Dunes would be quick too. Also thinking about a Route 66 route. I've always been a fan of the Mother Road, and it seems that the still- existing stretches would be perfect to ride; little traffic, lots of relics etc., and lots of towns. I really want to do the the section in W. Arizona that leaves I-40 near Seligman and goes to Oatman. We'll see, eh? Gotta get outta Denver first. Didn't Seger sing that?

10/11/06: Bike Tour- A Change in Plans

"A Change in plans?" HA! Get used to THOSE words! -td 12/23/09



Sort of a trying week but funny things happened that made me realize, or better put: remember, that if I just let things happen they tend to work themselves out!

When I began to do some real research on getting me and the bike to Seattle. I quickly realized that I would need to ship the bike a week in advance (Monday) in order to have it there, re- assembled, and ready to go. I called Velo Bike in Seattle and everything seemed fine. Then the question to myself: "When's Bruno going to get there??" He's not yet to the Rockies, the weather's getting colder, even in the Plains so I can only imagine what it's like in the mountains!! Would he even make it? It started to become apparent that plans laid down in the abstract weren't manifesting in the reality! I felt caught in limbo because if I ship the bike on Monday, then Bruno realizes it's too late in the season to bike the Rockies... say on on THURSDAY, I'm 15 kinds of screwed! Coupled with my own paranoid visions of biking the coast in gale- force winds and driving Pacific rains... I wasn't very optimistic.

I decided to do some soul- searching, and went back and read some 4-6 month old entries from my journal, about WHY I wanted to do this trip in the first place. In the beginning, the vision was one of a solitary biker, riding into the sunrise from Denver to a non- existent destination. Just going. When I found Bruno, it seemed that it would be great to have someone to share it with, to be able to reflect on where we were, where we were going, and what we'd learned and experienced. He was biking toward Vancouver, and since I didn't really care, and had always wanted to see the Oregon coast, Seattle made sense. The late- October weather has always been a warning flag in the back, and sometimes front, of my mind and I should have listened to it!

I went as far as, over the weekend, to begin an email to Bruno, explaining the seriousness of the situation as far as logistics go, and to implore him to turn south if there was ANY doubt about Vancouver! I had all but determined that if he was going to continue west, I may just set out, alone, from Denver rather than risk a wasted trip to Seattle!

I couldn't do that because of the commitment I made to him and didn't send the email.

One of the primary objectives of this trip was to be flexible and to take things as they came; let them add flavor to the experience. After some reflection, it was obvious I'd found my first opportunity to practice that.

If you read Bruno's update, you'll find that it all worked out. When I read that he 'doubted' he'd get to Vancouver, it was time to act. No man can tell another what to do. I'm glad that the realization was his. We chatted for a few hours on gmail, and batted around the idea of me driving to Montana to pick him up. That was actually a selfish offer on my part; it would get me on the road faster! In the end we decided that a bus from Swift Current to Denver made the most sense. While he'd have to ride Greyhound for 2 days, it would get him here Friday and offer him the chance to recharge for a few days. From my standpoint, it's cheaper to pay half of the bus ticket than to drive, and again, (selfish, I know!)get me on the road next week! The anticipation is intolerable!

BUT-- fate again steps in! When he got to the bus station today, he discovered that it would cost $355 to have his bike shipped here! Plus the $200 for the ticket.

Ummm... no.

So, he hitchhiked to Medicine Hat, Alberta and is on his way to a Couchsurfer in Lethbridge. We're back to trying to figure out how to get him here. I can't take our Mountaineer that far because it needs shocks, and the roommates can't go. So it looks like a rental car. Oh, joy! It's about 900 miles from Denver to his border crossing. He'll need to get that far, one way or another. Not going to deal with customs! It looks as though, unless there's another bolt of lightning, I'll leave either after work tomorrow or really early Friday. It's something like 14 hours each way; doable on a good night's sleep. Gets us back in Denver late Saturday. (?) One good thing about this experience: my Canadian geography is improving immensely!

So the plans, and of course the route, have changed dramatically. We'll have to sit down when he gets here and figure out which direction to go. Pretty easy when "North" and "West" are ruled out! I'm thinking a little east, then quite a bit south! I've always wanted to see the parts of northern New Mexico I missed when I lived in Taos, and relish the isolation! Bruno wants to see the Grand Canyon, so that would fit, and I have a friend who MAY still be working at the Lake Powell resort in Page, AZ. We both want to go to California. San Diego for me, and San Francisco for Bruno. We'll figure it out. Getting on the road, and getting south, is of more importance right now.

My friend in Tampico, Mexico has decided to leave in January. I think she's had enough of teaching English! I suspect there's more to it than that, and I'd love to find out 'what' that is. So I'm not sure we'd be able to get there by the time she leaves, unless we go there first. Always an option I guess. No Tampico?, There's always Baja! Mr DJ, cue up Van Halen's 'Cabo Wabo' if you please...

I said in the last update that my girlfriend wanted no part in my transport. After I posted that, it remarkably changed! She offered to take time off work, rent a car to Seattle and fly home. I found that interesting! No need for any of that now. Throughout this process, until now, she's not really shown an active interest in taking part in ANY of this, beyond discussion. She doesn't 'get it'. It's always been a 'nuisance' for her to go to the bike shops, REI, etc. Now that the departure date is less than a week away, she's beginning to panic. I find it ironic that all this time we could have spent 'together' we spent rushing through bike shops because she didn't want to be there. What would she do after we rushed home? TV! Wasting days off watching TV, then complaining about 'time together'! 'Time Together' isn't defined as going to dinner or to a museum, and it sure as hell doesn't mean watching TV/ movie! It means taking an active interest in the other persons life and sharing it with them. My answer to the 'quality time' question: "where were you and what were you doing all this time?". Seems a bit one- sided. She's a conventional person with socially programmed thinking and while I understand it, this has always been a problem. I must say I do appreciate the fact that she's tolerated me for the past two years, but that's just it--- she's tolerated rather than trying to understand & come along for the ride. So now, when I'm REALLY trying to focus my mind like a laser beam, I'm not going to deal with any Desperate Drama. She chose 'Ellen' and "Days of Our Lives" and it was generally a 'bother' to take part and 'spend time' with me over the last five months, so am I being unfair? Would you believe I saw this coming?

I'm fascinated more and more by my own mind, and how if I let it the view out the 'front window' changes. It all seemed so clear a month ago, but when I got lost in the 'how', the 'why' sort of faded to the rear. I suspect that will be both my greatest battle and liberation. As long as I keep the right set of glasses on my mind's eye! I'll begin to update more frequently from now on; I'll try to do it as close to daily as possible once Bruno gets here. Thanks too to the folks who've signed the guestbook! You'll be happy to know that reading 'it's not about the "stuff" did help, although I do believe I'm still taking the hammock!

9/29/06: Bike Tour- Denver Update 1

Decided to give at least weekly updates on the final preparations after pondering an email from my CS buddy Jack. I realized that I may tour again, and prepare again, but this is the only time I'll do it for the FIRST time!

The job at the stadium ended for the season yesterday, and after it was done, HUGE sense of relief! I love that job, but 9/28 was a date I'd mentally circled somewhere back in the Spring. Like driving I-40 across new Mexico and FINALLY getting to Tucumcari or Gallup! I'm sure a few of you know what I mean. It occurs to me that the job is the only 'deadline' I really have for this trip; returning to it in April. I'd love to figure out a way to work/ make money on the road as a way to stay out indefinitely! Anyone have any thoughts on this?

A couple of weeks ago, I applied for and received a position at a radio station here in town, just running the board for football games and Sunday 'talkers'. I figured I'd do it for a few weeks to make some extra cash and just quit. Sounds a bit crass so I suppose my bitterness toward that industry is showing. I justified it by recalling all of the decent people I've worked with who were fired due to 'cost- cutting', or 'format changes', or even just a change in Program Directors! I've never seen the station giving the employees fair notice before the ax flies. In fact, I remember one in particular who was 're- assigned', with a significant pay- cut, weeks after he closed on a house. People in the station knew of his purchase AND of the 're- assignment' yet said or did nothing; where's the 'honor' in that??

Anyhow, I declined the job today, before I really even started. My income will be fine working with my friend (the 'other job'), and the hassle of trying to commute to Aurora for $9 just seemed stupid. (Yes... major market radio job that pays $9/ hr!!!) I did train one morning with Ryan, the PD and had an unexpected result: I liked the guy! He's young enough to still have some idealism, yet smart enough to understand his business and what it is. I couldn't just quit and not give him a chance to get someone in place. It would have been easier if her were an egotistical prick! I didn't tell him about the bike tour...

Decided to change fenders... again. Got some Bontrager 45's. So, now I have 3 sets of fenders and am only using 1!!! Yes, I'm the efficient shopper!! Let me know if you need/ want any SKS Chromoplast 700x35 or 26x 1.95's! Also ordered and am waiting on the SKS double kickstand. That thing better sing Pavarotti to me for $54! The Tubus Logo came in also this week, so once the Schwalbe Marathon XR's get here next week, that SHOULD be everything for the bike, outside of spare spokes and cables. Any thoughts on spokes?

I've yet to get a helmet and a mirror, probably get that when I have all this stuff installed... one final drawn- out trip to Campus Cycles! Who am I kidding?

I'm wavering on the trunk- rack and a new handlebar bag. I found an Ortleib waterproof trunk bag that I like, but of course am afraid to commit to it. My panniers aren't waterproof, so I'm thinking it may be a good idea to have the trunk and handlebar bags to keep papers/ electronics dry. That's compounded by the fact that I'm considering taking my SLR digital camera; which of course gives me one more thing to worry about on the road.

I'll have a tent tomorrow, one way or another. REI's garage sale. Hoping to find a 2-3 man 4- season tent. It'll get use outside of the tour as well. One thought from Bruno: the extra weight is worth the extra room! Will not skimp on the tent. Also considering Pocketmail. My friend Gary "Walkingman" Hause loved his. Any experience/ advice you can offer with this? I love the fact it runs off batteries. No word from Bruno since Monday, but figure to hear from him this weekend from Winnipeg. Chatted with Jack via email a bit and hopefully he'll be back in the states in time to get together when we hit California. Jack just finished TWO YEARS on the bike through Asia and Europe! Great guy to talk to about 'stuff', and he always helps me remember not to stress about stuff I can't control. It's part of the adventure, right?

9/29/06: The Greatest Challenge- Myself

All-in-all, I'm rather surprised at how smoothly the preparation has gone. I decided to do this sometime back in April, and from the outset it's been a matter of forcing myself to step outside of all the comfort zones I'd created over time. Some people believe that as we get older, we become prisoners of our own environment, and while I don't consider 36 'old', I can definitely see the tendancy in myself.

Believe it or not, the first challenge was even getting on the bike! I hadn't ridden in probably 20 years- at all- until I bought my little Peugeot 'touring' bike this Spring. I was actually afraid of trying to ride it in the city because, although I enjoyed biking immensely as a child, I was scared that the skills would have left me, or that the urban traffic would be overwhealming. I remember the first trip up Clayton St. that night, and the sense of accomplishment over riding 2 blocks!

The short- lived Peugeot.

That theme of facing fear and cemented notions has become the pervasive one over the past few months, and continue today; that's what this section will probably entail the most.

The next hurdle I faced, after I got comfortable riding around the neighborhood, was commuting to work at the ballpark. I remember that day clearly, because it taught me something valuable. The first day I rode the 3 miles to the stadium and back, it happened to be raining and I was contemplating walking. I got so disgusted with myself for looking for the easy and 'safe' way out, that I told myself "How the **** can you ever expect to do any kind of tour, if you can;t even ride three miles in the (bleep)ing rain?!"

Obvious, eh?

From that point on, I began to vigorously fight these urges to seek out the familiar and the 'safe'. The mind can be a funny thing, and it makes me laugh to think how such a trivial accomplishment can be so important!

We moved at the beginning of July, and I also purchased the 520 at that time. The next challenge?? Ready for another laugh? Getting on the 520! I'd grown used to my Trek Navigator, and was concerned about riding a bike with the clipless pedals wearing regular shoes! Brilliant! Once I got on that bike though, and remembering the 'lessons' from earlier in the Summer, I began to really start exploring the bike paths around Denver. Some of the best times I've had in this city have been the little day- trips on the bike, taking pictures and seeing Denver from new perspectives.

Clipless pedals! That was another one! I fought the realization that I really should use them, because... say it with me now; you know the theme... I 'wasn't comfortable' trying them. I forced myself to by a pair of Cannondale shoes, and it took me at least 3 weeks to get them on my feet and on the bike. I was sure I'd be falling in the street somewhere! Guess what... no problem. Another theme! I love them now, and missed them when I commuted to work.

There are still hurdles to overcome, but they're minor and fear- based. I'm unsure how the stealth camping will work out, but I'll figure that out. I'm rather intimidated by the idea of riding on busy roads, but I'll suck it up. And there are times when I'll step out on the porch when it's cold and ask "What in the hell are you thinking!" The voice of self- doubt is gradually becoming quieter & eventually he'll be replaced by something else.

Even now, before the trip has even begun, this process has worked wonders for me personally. It's helped me to bust out of the mental prison of habit, and re- introduced me to the wonders of discovery; part of my psyche that's been a bit ignored. Youth is indeed sometimes wasted on the young!

9/27/06: Bike Tour- Gear & Training

Since this is my first tour, I had to start from scratch! I didn't even know what a 'pannier' was in March!

No kidding.... quit laughing.

The first decision, obviously, was a bike. After asking alot of questions, doing much reading, and buying my first 'touring bike' off of Craigslist... a mid 80's Peugeot for $100, I decided that since I lack expertise I should get something that's reliable and has a good record of satisfaction. Since I couldn't afford the Koga World Traveler, I decided on the Trek 520. I got it from Wheat Ridge Cyclery, and wish I hadn't. Had I bothered to ask around a bit more I would have found other places that were willing to swap components, such as the stem for instance. Lesson #1. The bike itself has been excellent however!

Since the purchase, I added a Brooks B-17 Standard and SKS fenders that I purchased from Wallingford Bike, simple because of the SIX MONTH return policy on the saddle! The Brooks however will NOT be going back. The fenders have again been replaced by Bonrager '45's' to accommodate the wider tires/ tread. I've also added a Jandd Mountaineering full front rack and a Tubus Logo on the rear. I've replaced the Bontrager 700c x 32's with Michelin TransWorld 35's and may replace those with the Schwalbe Marathon XR's before I leave. At the very least there will be a pair of folding XRs in the panniers.

The panniers are the most agonizing for me, simply because of my reluctance to spend money! In the end however, I decided on the Arkel GT-54's. Big mothers! I found them in stock at Campus Cycles, and in addition to the panniers felt fortunate to find a dealer I can trust. More on that later... I'm probably going to roll with some Performance panniers up front. Simply because I already have them! I'll rely on my ingenuity to keep things dry up there (read: garbage bags).

I'm going to carry both a tent and Hennessey Hammock at the outset, and probably ship one home. The Hennessey is light and takes up little space, so we'll see. I'll also be taking my 2- man 3- season tent that I picked up at the Coleman Outlet store. Checked the REI garage sale; it was a big waste of time.

Out in the woods...

-Kryptonite 'New York' lock and will carry a cable for tires/ trees.

-MSR Whisperlite International stove and a cooking set as well, as I intend to spend as little on food as I can; lots of oatmeal!

-Added the SKS double kickstand.

I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting. Let me know if you have questions or suggestions!

As for bike shops. What is the matter with these people?? There are exactly two bike shops I trust. Campus Cycles and Denver Bike. That's it! Between the profiteering at the expense of inexperienced shoppers and borderline indignation, I've come to appreciate patience and honesty. Campus Cycles got just about all of my business until we got a look under the belly of the service department. Just like Turin, they seem to be annoyed to the brink of violence by someone with questions! On the positive side for Turin, Leslie is the most knowledgeable and helpful person as far as touring goes. She sold me the 520--- even though I didn't buy it there.

I'll never set foot in Collins Bikes on Colfax again. Adventure Cycling was fine, but I was disappointed in their selection. I'm not sure there is anything more annoying than 'bike snobs', and that attitude really has no place in retail. I'm sure the folks at Campus were happy that many of you are asses, since I'll be buying products much longer than I'll be ignorant. However after the experience with the service department (see 10/22 update), and considering how much money I've spent there, I may be back in the market for a bike shop.

Training

Training. Yeah....

I've read alot of journals about people who profess to go on strict diets and riding regimens. That's great for them, but I still eat and wont lie and claim to ride 200 miles a week!

My training has consisted of commuting to and from work, and riding anywhere between 30 & 45 miles about twice a week. To my credit, I try to carry a decent load on the bike and seeks out the hills but I have a problem with destinations. I really don't like to set mileage goals because it takes the spontaneity out of the ride; and hate re- tracing my route. I could get 'mileage' on a stationary! I ride whenever and however long I feel like, and make sure I enjoy myself!

I'll update this page a week or two into the trip, and let you know how I feel then! Deal?

Some "training" terrain, or Mt. Mother*****r as I affectionately call her.

9/27/06: Bike Tour- Pre Trip

From: http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/T2

The What & How

This bike trip is in reality almost completely improvised, as the title suggests. At the outset, I'll be riding with my young friend Bruno, whom I met on Couchsurfing. He's riding right now from Montreal toward Vancouver. The tentative plan is for me to meet him somewhere west of Seattle, turn the bikes south and ride. That's pretty much it. I've added an update on Bruno's progress as well because the story of his journey west is sure to become interesting, especially about the time he approaches the Canadian Rockies in October! There's a possibility, likelihood even, that my trip will begin here in Denver.

I have another friend, Sarah, who's teaching English in Tampico, Mexico who has invited us to 'stop by'! I would love to! She's an adventurist at heart, and I suspect she's feeling a bit chained to her j-o-b! The Tampico decision will be made WAY down the road.

The duration of this trip will be up to 5 1/2 months. Depending, of course, on money. To conserve cash and to adhere to the philosophical foundation I've resolved to avoid hotels and campgrounds. My intention is to stealth camp and Couchsurf almost exclusively. Re- learn self- reliance and sharpen my survival instincts to something more than a sprint to Motel 6 & McDonalds only to waste money in an effort to avoid adversity. I'm not so foolish as to believe that there will be NO hotels or McDonald's, but no more than are absolutely necessary!

I'd love to hear from anyone and everyone, and I'll do my best to update as much as possible. I intend to keep a written daily- journal, and will copy directly from that when the internet presents itself. Sign the damn guestbook too!

Why: Vitam Impendere Vero!

You know the look, don't you.

The one you're guaranteed whenever you tell someone you're going on an extended, self- sustained bike trip... especially LEAVING in October! They can't quite figure out WHY someone would WILLINGLY subject themselves to effort at the risk of ANYTHING resembling inconvenience! They cannot fathom any other way of life outside of the pursuit of comfort, and when they see or hear someone running directly against that current in pursuit of something, ANYTHING, greater than Consumerism, you can actually physically SEE their programming short circuit!

I love that look!

This is a bike trip that's been, in the grand scheme of things, more than two years in the making, without me realizing it until April! I've never been a person who's ever been satisfied with anything. No matter what goal I'd set for myself, what new toy I'd buy, or whatever new location I'd find myself living in- the results are always the same: dissatisfaction. I found myself, as Pink Floyd says "waiting for someone or something to show me the way". It never occurred to me that the 'way' is lurking inside. Actually... it doesn't lurk. It screams. I'm just learning to understand it.

In 2004, I decided, out of desperation, to take a very close look inside & ask some very raw questions of myself and to give even more brutal answers. While this project is far from complete, I've come to some very startling, by institutional standards, realizations. That the less I have and the less I want the happier I am. The less I feel the need to possess, the closer to absolute freedom I feel. I believe it's true that your 'stuff', even a house, car, job, end up owning you. To what end?

I've also come to realize that the deeper I try to explain these things the less they make sense!

Suffice it to say that I have some very definite ideas about my path to some sense of happiness and purpose and none of them involve new cars, mortgages, or climbing a 'ladder'! Each person has their own path and their own voice. Mine has brought me here. The bike trip is symbollic of a transition from philosophy & ideas to action & experience. For those of you who know the name and story of Heinze Stucke, you'll have a good chance to understand. Enough from the soapbox.

Goals

I've decided to add this at the outset, to give a better understanding of what it is I hope to accomplish with this trip, since these 'goals' are far from 'mileage', or 'destinations'.

First and foremost I want to reconcile philosophy and action. I've spent two years complaining about the state of affairs and expectations of the "American Dream". It's apparent that from the earliest days, Americans are indoctrinated into a system that puts a premium on conformity and finding a 'place' in the economic machine, with the promise that monetary and vocational 'success' will lead to fulfillment. The formula to be followed is beaten into our heads by the educational system, politicians, religions, and of course (and most insidious of all) the MEDIA. After spending roughly 10 years in radio, and observing how the media, and advertising in particular, operate I've become hyper- sensitive to the way the public is manipulated and kept 'stupid' as a means for these outlets to garner ratings and advertising revenue. Once I tuned into that, saw it operate from the inside, and asked myself if I have ANY sense of idealism ... well, it's impossible to just "play along!"

Most Americans in my not- so- humble opinion, and to paraphrase John Lennon, are kept 'doped by religion, sex, and TV'. But yet, "are still f*****g peasants" in the grand scheme. Blinded by consumerism and chasing the next financial trophy to gain some sense of status, purpose and self- worth, they have no concept of the fact that they are indeed individuals beyond becoming a reality TV star or creating a page on MySpace. People are not bound or beholden to any state or system, and while Americans are full of the "Freedom Jingoism", they forget that 'liberty' isn't defined by the ability to buy a new car, house, or TV (on credit), but to be the master of their own destiny... WHATEVER that destiny may be.

One of my favorite aspects of children is the most annoying to many parents. The tendancy to ask "Why? Why? Why?"! Eventually the answer becomes "Because I said so!!" People should NEVER stop asking why, and never be content until the answers are found. One of my favorite examples of 'why' that is happened at work. A friend of mine was getting married, and said "Aren't you supposed to spend three month's salary on the ring?" I asked him "why?". His response was... and I'm not kidding... was that he heard that on a jewelery commercial!! Of course I protested, and asked why he should feel obligated to spend what a JEWELER said he should! "I don't know.. that's what you're supposed to do!!" This is the time when 'the look' hits; he couldn't answer that because he'd been conditioned to accept it; "they said so". People get so pissed off when you press them on this. It's that area of dirty truth, hidden under the floorboards of a musty house... the place no one wants to go for fear of what they may find. It's easier to close the eyes, accept it and avoid the fight.

I wont just 'accept' anything any longer.

That's all fine and great except for one thing: how do you put these ideals into practice??? That's the primary goal of this bike trip. More self- reliance, and less dependence on a system that, for me, corrupt. People in the 21st century cannot live completely independently, however, you can choose how you utilize the system. I've decided to try to figure out a way to work when and how I choose, but only to support myself and allow me to explore myself and my world. My initial idea was hiking; biking is much more efficient because I can cover much more ground.

That's the long term goal.

In the short term, I want to re- learn, and embrace my survival instincts. I also want to learn to just 'let go' to a greater degree, with no itinerary or 'plan' other than riding. I want persevere. Eliminate fear and the resulting dependency. And, I want to come back to Denver at the end with a clearer idea of the next step, which will, hopefully, be of a much greater scale than this one. Or knowing that I was completely full of hot air!

I know that some of this tends to offend and annoy some people, if that's the case, I apologize. But bear in mind that I'm not trying to convince anyone of an ideology, simply to develop and practice my own. We all have a path and reasons; these are mine!

After the trip, I'll refer to this and see how well I did!

Horrors!!! He SMOKES!!!

10/12/05: Back in Denver

Got back to Denver at 1:30 am
2905 total miles; 1005 yesterday.

I slept Monday night at a rest stop in western Louisiana. The drive was uneventful, except for processing why I left so quickly. The dynamics aren't clear yet, but I'm okay. Feeling disconnected from Denver right now, that's due to the fact that I mentally checked out when I left. What's next? No clue. May work to make money to travel by bus in January and February. Maybe see what Turtle is up to, then go to Michigan. I have a clean slate right now; dreading the impending complacency! Either way, one of the most intense weeks/10 days of my life has come to a close. New chapter begins now, eh?


**More to this coming**


October was far from over. Within 2-weeks I was on a bus and BACK in McComb, MS to again meet up with Carrie and take an eventful ride north for an eventful visit to Michigan. That trip to Michigan would be the thing that would stabilize things for Shalain & I in Denver, although of course I had no way of knowing that at the time. -td 1/25/10

10/10/05: Enough!

Near Jackson, Mississippi

Left Camp Katrina today. Did the 2 am to 4 am security shift last night, then slept until 11. After I woke up, Rick confronted me and asked if I was there to work "or pick up women," obviously referring to my friendship with Carrie and Jessica. It made no sense whatsoever and of course severely pissed me off.*

Without really making a conscious decision, I broke down my site and left. I spoke with Jeff (camp leader), a bit today and explained the situation. He asked me to reconsider, but I didn't... until I got to Jackson. The further I drove, the more uneasy I was about the decision to return to Denver. I stopped at a rest area to call Shalain, then again another 15-20 miles up the road. After sitting for hours, I decided to return to camp and try to make things work. That got me almost to McComb, and then I went back the other way. I feel like an utter failure. I'll eventually look at this and smile, but not today. I’m in a state of confusion; guess I have 1400 miles to figure it out.



*I found out much later that Carrie had divorced her husband and that Rick had left his wife and moved in with her. After learning this, it ALL made MUCH more sense! Who was doing the picking up?!?

10/9/05: Tylertown, MS- Fractures

Jesus! Talk about feeling like a leper! Jessica and Carrie left this afternoon, and amazingly I sudden have no one to associate with. The people I did talk to have left all of a sudden, and since going to New Orleans on Friday I am feeling quite ostracized. Not a Rick fan right now. I'm truly frustrated tonight. Repacked most of my stuff and am seriously considering leaving tomorrow morning. I really don't need this frustration. I didn't come here for this cliquey shit. This is what I hope to avoid. What is it, "with each new day?" Quite honestly, I don't know where I'd go. Biloxi? Fort Walton Beach? Asheville? Michigan? I dread feeling like a failure though! That would haunt me forever. Must focus and think.